June 23, 2024… we will never be the same

On Thursday, June 20, 2024, my son and daughter-in-law went to their last appointment with the OB doctor and last ultrasound. Our little Harlowe Hope was doing great. My daughter-in-law was 37 weeks pregnant. The plan was to either induce my daughter-in-law or do a c-section at 38 weeks, the week of July 1st.

Two and a half days later, around 3:00 in the morning, my daughter-in-law woke up with a lot of blood. They called the ambulance which took her to the hospital. My son met them there.

At 4:17 am I received a text from my son to come to the hospital ASAP, he needed me there. Being half asleep, and not seeing well in that condition, I misread the text and went to the wrong hospital. I called him, he told me the correct hospital and I quickly went there.

While on the phone with him I asked him if everything was okay, he said “just get here. I need you.”

Those words sparked a fear in me that I have never felt.

All the way to the hospital, I thought my daughter-in-law had gone into labor and died while delivering the baby.

When I got the hospital and started up to the 4th floor to meet my son, I saw signs that read Labor and Delivery and NICU (neonatal intensive care unit).

That lifted some of my fear. I thought okay, she is okay, but the baby is in ICU.

Then I saw my son standing on the other side of the secured entry door to the labor and delivery unit. I saw his tear stained eyes. I was confused. I didn’t know what was going on.

He walked out into the lobby to meet me and said “Mom, we lost her.” I was more confused. I asked “Who? What?” He said, the baby mom, we lost her.” Then he collapsed in my arms and sobbed.

My 6’2″, 36 year old son collapsed in my arms and sobbed. It was as if he were 5 again. But I couldn’t fix his pain this time.

My heart broke. Twice.

Once for the loss of my granddaughter, Harlowe. Again, for the pain my son was experiencing. The pain he will continue to experience for a long time to come.

Seeing my son’s pain is almost unbearable. Not being able to heal that pain is the greatest pain I have ever felt in my life. Ever!